


Words I cannot share

by woodsong_1978 (Vae)



Category: Firefly
Genre: M/M, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-05-08
Updated: 2007-05-08
Packaged: 2017-11-20 17:01:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/587693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vae/pseuds/woodsong_1978
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chinese whispers</p>
            </blockquote>





	Words I cannot share

So many words between us.

Most of them are tight with anger, misunderstandings that I can't see until afterwards, once the tension of the moment has passed. Words twisted with frustration and resentment - mine, that I have to hide, run, simply to survive and to keep River safe, and yours, that I continually push against the boundaries you've set. I'm learning, slowly, to trust you. To know that when you give orders, it's for the good of the entire crew. To keep us all safe.

You'll never know how I treasure the rare moments when we meet as equals, not as captain and doctor, but simply two men with responsibilities to carry. The moments out of time, sitting in the darkened kitchen while everyone else sleeps, when we trade stories of the past, or the present. Sometimes I wonder if even Zoe knows some of the things you've told me. I know I've told you about events I've never mentioned to my family. River knows, of course. She can't not know, when we spend so much time together.

The times we meet without words are the ones that nearly destroy me, even as they keep us both together. The times we dance along the razor-thin edge of despair, bodies colliding in mutual need, hands, mouths, arms, legs, tangled in a confusion of lust and desperation, teeth, lips, fingers, hair, heavy breaths and pounding heartbeats, rush of release mercifully blanking out thoughts and words until reality returns and we part. I can't watch you go. I never know if you can watch me go. I never let myself turn back to see.

So many words between us, and three that I can only whisper, letting them escape into the stillness of my room when I know I'm alone, that no one can hear.

Three words. With all the others we give each other, and throw at each other like barbed weapons, you'd think it would be easy to add three more.

Not these three. These are kept for the times I can't deny them, a solitary Chinese whisper.

"Wŏ ài nĭ."

**Author's Note:**

> Firefly and Simon Tam are the property of Joss Whedon, FOX and Universal. I make no claim of ownership and I make no profit.


End file.
